DISILLUSIONED CHILD MAKES UP OWN IMPRACTICAL MARTIAL ART AFTER QUITTING ESTABLISHED ONE

By Resident Kung Fu Master Cedric Hwoarang The art of fighting was established millions of years ago, probably starting when man first walked the earth, with cave paintings depicting scraps between cavemen, usually with one of them trying to impress their girlfriend. Over time, various fighting disciplines were established through the years, which became knownContinue reading “DISILLUSIONED CHILD MAKES UP OWN IMPRACTICAL MARTIAL ART AFTER QUITTING ESTABLISHED ONE”

SUNTANNED MILLIONAIRE PROVES COMMON CLICHE WRONG, EXPLAINS UNCONVENTIONAL REASONING

By Resident Escapologist Expert Dewey Mc Swan One of the most popular truisms in life is that you can’t run away from your problems, as they’ll still be there, and it doesn’t solve anything. It’s estimated that about 98% of the world’s population has tried to run away from tricky situations at least once, butContinue reading “SUNTANNED MILLIONAIRE PROVES COMMON CLICHE WRONG, EXPLAINS UNCONVENTIONAL REASONING”

FORTHRIGHT COUNCIL EMPLOYEE DEFIES SUPERIORS, MOVES FORWARD WITH REFUSE SOLUTION AND E.T. HYPOTHESIS

By Rubbish Correspondent Frank Discourse If you watch any documentary about Earth, or have seen any sci fi film where aliens come to visit our planet and air their views on what they see, one thing that is always made certain – that humankind are killing the planet, we don’t recycle properly and it’s onlyContinue reading “FORTHRIGHT COUNCIL EMPLOYEE DEFIES SUPERIORS, MOVES FORWARD WITH REFUSE SOLUTION AND E.T. HYPOTHESIS”

WRESTLING TITLE WINNER STRIPPED OF BELT DUE TO INTERFERENCE FROM THE OTHER SIDE

By Supernatural Grappling Correspondent Sid “Crazed” Integrity The recent wrestling title fight that took place at a community centre in Kirkburton, Huddersfield between Ronald “Mean Bean” Horsefist and Vinny “E-I-E-I” O’ Farm, has been controversially declared a no-contest. The match was won by Mr O’ Farm via his finishing move The Cattle Clutch, a variantContinue reading “WRESTLING TITLE WINNER STRIPPED OF BELT DUE TO INTERFERENCE FROM THE OTHER SIDE”

R&B SINGER TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM WITH ALL SONGS BEING SEQUELS TO HER 2007 CLASSIC TRACK

By Resident Useful Object Expert Lenny Cigbreak It’s taken her 13 years for her to complete it, but R&B star Rihanna has finally finished working on her new album, Useful Shiznit, in which all the tracks are sequels or “companion pieces” to her 2007 classic Umbrella. The song itself has been regarding as her signatureContinue reading “R&B SINGER TO RELEASE NEW ALBUM WITH ALL SONGS BEING SEQUELS TO HER 2007 CLASSIC TRACK”

OUTRAGE OF ALMOST WHOLE WORLD AS REASON FOR INCREASING SALES OF HANDCARTS REVEALED

By Resident Afterlife Solutions Expert Dante Cypher Recent revelations concerning a sudden spike in handcart sales has been met with almost universal condemnation. Word has got out that the non-physical realm, Hell, has recently invested heavily in renovations and restorations, which in turn has seen the place for the eternally damned being a more desirableContinue reading “OUTRAGE OF ALMOST WHOLE WORLD AS REASON FOR INCREASING SALES OF HANDCARTS REVEALED”

GRIZZLED COP’S CONFUSION WITH CERTAIN KEY MEMORIES AND HOW THEY’RE BEING PORTRAYED

By Resident Trainee Brain Surgeon Carl Wholesale A police officer from Swindon has had to take an unplanned break from his work, as he’s genuinely concerned on how certain memories have been playing out in his mind for the last several years. 54-year old Eugene Minerlair has been a cop for 35 years, and inContinue reading “GRIZZLED COP’S CONFUSION WITH CERTAIN KEY MEMORIES AND HOW THEY’RE BEING PORTRAYED”

LOSER OF ANTICIPATED SCHOOL FIGHT REFUSES TO GIVE MEASURED ASSESSMENT ON HOW THE BETTER KID WON

By Resident Juvenile Fight Expert Buster Gaylord Ever since their previous fight a year ago was broken up by a couple of teachers in a science lesson, schoolchildren at Spinning Birdkick High School in Wombourne, South Staffordshire had been eagerly waiting for a rematch between the two combatants. It was widely believed that 13-year oldContinue reading “LOSER OF ANTICIPATED SCHOOL FIGHT REFUSES TO GIVE MEASURED ASSESSMENT ON HOW THE BETTER KID WON”

CONTEMPTIBLE GAME CHARACTER TO GET OWN FEATURE FILM AFTER SUCCESS OF BLUE HEDGEHOG ONE

By Resident Awful Animals Expert Aaron Agamemnon The early nineties saw a whole slew of video games, usually platformers, which had an anthropomorphic animal as the central character. Sega’s Sonic The Hedgehog was a main influence for these games, and it seemed that developers and gamers couldn’t get enough of them at the time. OneContinue reading “CONTEMPTIBLE GAME CHARACTER TO GET OWN FEATURE FILM AFTER SUCCESS OF BLUE HEDGEHOG ONE”

CARING DAD HEADING FOR JAIL AS HIS PERCEIVED LEGAL LOOPHOLE THEORY PROVED BASELESS

By Legal Correspondent Hector Heckle-Jeckle There are certain laws and loopholes, that for better or worse are exploited by a great many UK citizens, whether it’s skimming money from tills as a supermarket employee, or not indicating on every turn while driving. The people who commit these misdemeanours are fairly safe in their mind thatContinue reading “CARING DAD HEADING FOR JAIL AS HIS PERCEIVED LEGAL LOOPHOLE THEORY PROVED BASELESS”