SUBSTANDARD COMEDY DUO FINALLY ARRESTED AFTER TRYING TO ENTERTAIN LOCAL RESIDENTS TO RAISE MOOD

By Resident Unfunny Fool Russell Leaves A multitude of houseowners in the Barnet area were recently keeping the local police busy with regular complaints about a couple of annoying comedians irritating them day and night. The duo, who for some reason call themselves Prawn and Crackers, decided to try and cheer up the residents inContinue reading “SUBSTANDARD COMEDY DUO FINALLY ARRESTED AFTER TRYING TO ENTERTAIN LOCAL RESIDENTS TO RAISE MOOD”

TEARFUL DAD NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO LETTING SON DOWN ON UPCOMING 16TH BIRTHDAY

By Crime Correspondent Bill Beatstreet The ongoing lock down and related restrictions has affected everyone in the UK, and indeed around the world, with many people who have ‘non-essential’ jobs worrying if they’d have a job by the end of this ordeal. The potential state of the economy will be very much up in theContinue reading “TEARFUL DAD NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO LETTING SON DOWN ON UPCOMING 16TH BIRTHDAY”

NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL DECLARED GREAT SUCCESS BY KIDS MISSING OUT ON SCHOOL LIFE

By Online Education Correspondent Leroy Catvideo Prolific YouTubers Willy and Jilly Circle have created a separate channel that caters for kids all around the world to help reduce boredom during these times of lock down, and has amassed over 100,000 subscribers since they launched it just over a week ago. This new channel has overtakenContinue reading “NEW YOUTUBE CHANNEL DECLARED GREAT SUCCESS BY KIDS MISSING OUT ON SCHOOL LIFE”

FEARS GROW AS CERTAIN MEMBERS OF SOCIETY WILLING TO PURPOSEFULLY FLOUT SELF ISOLATION ADVICE

By Military Correspondent Ralph Ermey A worrying amount of groups have recently been springing up on social media platforms aimed at women who are attracted to men in uniforms. Though this is nothing new, as firemen and doctors have always been popular amongst ladies, the growing concern is there’s going to be a massive disturbanceContinue reading “FEARS GROW AS CERTAIN MEMBERS OF SOCIETY WILLING TO PURPOSEFULLY FLOUT SELF ISOLATION ADVICE”

UK TV CHANNEL TO DRASTICALLY CHANGE SCHEDULES IN ORDER TO HELP VIEWERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT SELVES

By Apocalypse Now Correspondent Marley Sheen As daily news of the coronavirus pandemic is now in full swing, this has brought about a lot of fear throughout the world, especially with lock downs being put in place in many countries. The vast majority of the world are now indoors glued to the TV and internetContinue reading “UK TV CHANNEL TO DRASTICALLY CHANGE SCHEDULES IN ORDER TO HELP VIEWERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT SELVES”

STOCKPILING ODD ITEMS ENABLES FORWARD-THINKING MAN HELP THOSE WISHING TO CONTINUE ILLICIT ACTIVITIES

By Resident Relationship Breakdown Expert Victor Warlike One of the big issues in this current crisis has been the sheer amount of people stockpiling items from shops, notably toilet roll, hand gel, tinned goods etc. But one man has been buying up other specific items, based on lock down restrictions from other countries, which heContinue reading “STOCKPILING ODD ITEMS ENABLES FORWARD-THINKING MAN HELP THOSE WISHING TO CONTINUE ILLICIT ACTIVITIES”

FASHION RETAILER TO MOVE WITH CURRENT TIMES AND START ONLINE STREAMING SERVICE

By Resident Internet Guru Alan Wrongsize With recent news in the UK that non-essential shops are to close, one retailer has decided to join the crowded market of video streaming services as a way to keep their business afloat. With tougher proposals now in place, and everyone now kept indoors except for essential things likeContinue reading “FASHION RETAILER TO MOVE WITH CURRENT TIMES AND START ONLINE STREAMING SERVICE”

SIGHTINGS IN SMALL RESORT OF ALLEGED E.T. WALKING AROUND CAUSES FEAR SIMILAR TO THAILAND MONKEY MELEE

By Resident Ufologist Lenny Gort Like most places around the world, the seaside resort of Shanklin on the Isle of Wight has become almost deserted, with locals locking themselves in isolation on government advice because of the pandemic. There’s been recent news of a mass monkey brawl in Thailand and some deer pottering about inContinue reading “SIGHTINGS IN SMALL RESORT OF ALLEGED E.T. WALKING AROUND CAUSES FEAR SIMILAR TO THAILAND MONKEY MELEE”

HENCHMEN RECRUITMENT POLICY TO BE TIGHTENED AFTER YET ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING WITHIN GANG

By Resident Gangland Expert Vincent “Secateurs” Iolent Yet another mishap caused by underlings in local Walthamstow gang Tha Warmastahz, has led boss Ray “Big Rake” Fairbrass to reassess the process of gang member acquisition. He understands that he has to be seen as the most sensible and alpha of the group, and that means there’dContinue reading “HENCHMEN RECRUITMENT POLICY TO BE TIGHTENED AFTER YET ANOTHER MISUNDERSTANDING WITHIN GANG”

PALAEONTOLOGISTS MAKE HUGE DISCOVERY, HISTORY OF VIDEO GAMES REWRITTEN AS A RESULT

By Resident Tomb Raiding Expert Indiana Columbo A team working on a routine excavation on a remote island in Costa Rica has unearthed something even more exciting than a previously undiscovered dinosaur. The eminent palaeontologist Dr Emmet Huey was leading his team through various caves, searching for the rare skeleton of a dinosaur frog. HeContinue reading “PALAEONTOLOGISTS MAKE HUGE DISCOVERY, HISTORY OF VIDEO GAMES REWRITTEN AS A RESULT”