BREAKTHROUGH IN RECENT LEGAL CASE FORCES CHANGES IN HOW ARGUMENTS CAN BE CONCLUDED

By Legal Correspondent Karl Directives The recent court case involving a married couple’s argument which ultimately led to their respective cars being overturned outside their house, has been seen as a landmark in legal history. Harvey and Selena Turpin, from Neath in Wales, were discussing holidays one morning, which shortly became an alcohol-fuelled fist fightContinue reading “BREAKTHROUGH IN RECENT LEGAL CASE FORCES CHANGES IN HOW ARGUMENTS CAN BE CONCLUDED”

CLOSE FRIEND OF LOCAL DRUNKARD SEEKS ADVICE FROM EXPERT REGARDING POSSIBLE MULTIVERSE CONUNDRUM

By Resident Theoretical Expert Dave Schrodinger Last Tuesday was like any other day for 43-year old Tegs Grange. He was sat on a park bench in rainy Seathwaite in Cumbria, with his close friend on benefits Hilda Triforce, each with a hearty bag of strong lager, watching the world go by and commenting on moreContinue reading “CLOSE FRIEND OF LOCAL DRUNKARD SEEKS ADVICE FROM EXPERT REGARDING POSSIBLE MULTIVERSE CONUNDRUM”

OPEN WORLD VIDEO GAME BASED ON POPULAR SOAP OPERA BECOMES MOST RETURNED GAME EVER

By Video Games Correspondent Nicholas Berrington The developers responsible for the new game based on the popular soap opera EastEnders, Dirtydenami, have finally responded to the news that their game has beaten the record number of returned games ever. The game, EastEnders: The Game: A Game About EastEnders, has been heavily criticised for the lackContinue reading “OPEN WORLD VIDEO GAME BASED ON POPULAR SOAP OPERA BECOMES MOST RETURNED GAME EVER”

RUNAWAY FOOTBALL CHAMPIONS ELECT TO CHANGE MANAGEMENT, THOUGH TACTIC SEEN AS UNSPORTSMANLIKE

By Football Correspondent Accrington Calmdown Liverpool football club are sitting on top of the English Premier League, currently a massive 25 points ahead of second place Manchester City. They just need 15 points to secure the league, regardless of what the other clubs do, and they could achieve this as early as March. Such isContinue reading “RUNAWAY FOOTBALL CHAMPIONS ELECT TO CHANGE MANAGEMENT, THOUGH TACTIC SEEN AS UNSPORTSMANLIKE”

FANS OF FAVOURITE PASTIME FOR BRITS RECEIVE BOOST OF CONFIDENCE FROM LARGE CORPORATIONS

By Resident Customer Analysis Expert Martin Holdmusic Whenever there’s a questionnaire focusing on the favourite pastimes for people living in the UK, the one response that always crops up is complaining. This pastime – along with queueing and prudishness when it comes to, whisper it, S-E-X – is seen by the rest of the worldContinue reading “FANS OF FAVOURITE PASTIME FOR BRITS RECEIVE BOOST OF CONFIDENCE FROM LARGE CORPORATIONS”

GOVERNMENT LOOKING FOR NEW IDEA TO TAKE AGES TO SORT OUT AFTER BREXIT SUCCESS

By Political Correspondent Tommy Firearm The recent passing of some bill or other which allowed Great Britain to free itself from the EU has been seen as a ratings winner, according to the Conservative government. The debate had divided the country for over three and a half years, and in that time every media outlet,Continue reading “GOVERNMENT LOOKING FOR NEW IDEA TO TAKE AGES TO SORT OUT AFTER BREXIT SUCCESS”

FOOTBALLER STICKING TO PLAN REGARDING CONSTANTLY CHANGING HAIR CHOICES, DESPITE INTENSE IRE

By Hair Fashion Correspondent Troy Enron Football player Enzo Dogbonzo, who’s currently playing for Northwich Victoria in the North West Counties Football League – Premier Division, has finally come out fighting on social media in regards to his ever changing haircuts. Ever since he signed for the club two years ago, he’s changed to aContinue reading “FOOTBALLER STICKING TO PLAN REGARDING CONSTANTLY CHANGING HAIR CHOICES, DESPITE INTENSE IRE”

HEARTBREAKING STORY OF EVIL SORCERER’S UNREQUITED LOVE FOR MAIN PROTAGONIST, AS TOLD BY HENCHMAN

By Resident Love Guru Wayne Schwing It’s that time of year when love is in the air, with couples booking babysitters and relatives to look after their kids as they go out to enjoy either a candle-lit meal somewhere, a romantic movie at the cinema, or a seedy motel room. However, there are some individualsContinue reading “HEARTBREAKING STORY OF EVIL SORCERER’S UNREQUITED LOVE FOR MAIN PROTAGONIST, AS TOLD BY HENCHMAN”

COLLECTOR BESIDE HIMSELF WITH RAGE AS DISCOVERY OF RARE FIGURES LYING ON FLOOR OUT OF PACKAGING

By Resident Heirloom Expert Derek McGrievous Lifelong Star Wars fan, 46-year old Bob Jango, from Harrogate, woke up one Sunday morning to find some of his prized Star Wars figures lying on the floor in his so-called ‘Collection Den’ – actually his converted garage – out of their original packaging and also lying near hisContinue reading “COLLECTOR BESIDE HIMSELF WITH RAGE AS DISCOVERY OF RARE FIGURES LYING ON FLOOR OUT OF PACKAGING”

BUSYBODY’S CONCERN OVER PREDICTED CHILD CRAZE RETURNS, EVEN WORSE THAN IT WAS NEARLY THIRTY YEARS AGO

By Wildlife Correspondent Eisenhour Prower It seems that no matter where you live, whether in a quiet cul-de-sac, close knit cobbled street or prison, there’s always an individual who would always be looking out for the welfare of others around them. They would take to looking through their curtains at the goings on, making upContinue reading “BUSYBODY’S CONCERN OVER PREDICTED CHILD CRAZE RETURNS, EVEN WORSE THAN IT WAS NEARLY THIRTY YEARS AGO”