FEARS MOUNT FOR ACTOR OVER PERCEIVED ART-IMITATING-LIFE VICIOUS CIRCLE

By Resident Film Reviewer Jeff Brundlefly There’s been increasing unrest within a group of professor film fans from Felixstowe, who have come to the shocking conclusion that the actor Hugh Grant is on a slippery and dangerous path because of the last two films they’ve seen him in. After their research into his filmography, theyContinue reading “FEARS MOUNT FOR ACTOR OVER PERCEIVED ART-IMITATING-LIFE VICIOUS CIRCLE”

COUPLE LEAVE FAMILY-RUN BUSINESS TO GO IT ALONE

By Royal Correspondent Hansington Grubershire It seems that everyone had an opinion when Prince Harry and his America wife Meghan Markle made their choice to end their employment at the long established pub The Queen Liz. Speculation was rife as to what their plans were going to be. After all, to leave such a belovedContinue reading “COUPLE LEAVE FAMILY-RUN BUSINESS TO GO IT ALONE”

SHOCK AS PERCEIVED THREAT TO WORLD 20 YEARS AGO RETURNED, THEN DEFEATED IN MORE-OR-LESS SAME WAY

By resident Pest Solutions Expert Jericho McAerosmith Leading up to the year 2000 was an exciting time for everyone, as it was heralding in a new millennium, and the suffix 2000 added to anything automatically made that thing sound futuristic. But news of a so-called Y2K bug was on the horizon, a possible glitch inContinue reading “SHOCK AS PERCEIVED THREAT TO WORLD 20 YEARS AGO RETURNED, THEN DEFEATED IN MORE-OR-LESS SAME WAY”

SONY ‘S SURPRISE PLANS FOR NEW CONSOLE GIVES THEM CONFIDENCE

By Video Game Correspondent Dex Threesixty This year will see the release of the next games consoles from both Sony and Microsoft. There’s been a lot of speculation with what the consoles would be capable of, what games might come out, and the price points they’d retail at. Each passing day has been a gameContinue reading “SONY ‘S SURPRISE PLANS FOR NEW CONSOLE GIVES THEM CONFIDENCE”

LINCOLN HUSBAND APPARENTLY STILL NOT FINISHED WITH MOUSE HOUSE PRESERVATION

By Resident DIY Expert “Handy” Sandy Pontypandy A henpecked husband from Lincoln, Timothy Language, has spent the last three years doing his best to make his house mouse proof. He lived with his wife, Ursula, who’s always been afraid of them. She saw a mouse in the kitchen a few weeks after moving in, andContinue reading “LINCOLN HUSBAND APPARENTLY STILL NOT FINISHED WITH MOUSE HOUSE PRESERVATION”

PUBLIC’S ANGER AND CONFUSION ESCALATE AS COST OF PROPOSED TRAIN CONTINUES TO RISE DESPITE NO INDICATION OF IT EVER WORKING

By Political Correspondent Petey Twotimes The British public once again woke up today with the news that the cost of the proposed gravy train is to rise yet again. The company behind the scheme, CorpulentFeline Inc, have issued several statements to try and justify their plan’s ever-spiralling cost on social media, but has seemed toContinue reading “PUBLIC’S ANGER AND CONFUSION ESCALATE AS COST OF PROPOSED TRAIN CONTINUES TO RISE DESPITE NO INDICATION OF IT EVER WORKING”

EXECUTIVE’S CAREER IN TATTERS AS ADVERT IS BANNED FOR MISLEADING CUSTOMER

By Marketing Correspondent Francisco Iguanodon The advert for Death-U-Win, a company which specializes in life insurance and compensation for family members, has been pulled from television following a single complaint. The banning of the commercial is seen as the last straw for the executive behind the campaign, Melvin Diesel, who reportedly had to be frogmarchedContinue reading “EXECUTIVE’S CAREER IN TATTERS AS ADVERT IS BANNED FOR MISLEADING CUSTOMER”

HAUGHTY ROY

Hi, this story is dedicated to Terry Jones, who sadly died today, and I felt I wanted to do something (completely) different. It’s people like Terry, with his work on Monty Python and the films he directed, who have had a profound influence on me and helped shape my sense of humour and creativity. WithoutContinue reading “HAUGHTY ROY”

MAYOR IGNORES OUTCRY AS HE MOVES FORWARD WITH DECISION TO UPDATE LOCAL CURRENCY OF TOWN

By Financial Correspondent Larcen Maneface The controversial mayor of North Yorkshire town Whitby, Callum Wanquo, has ignored the town’s – and by extension the whole of the UK’s – protestations, by forging ahead on his scheme to update the town’s currency to a more ‘future-proof’ system. He believes that having money in Credits, like inContinue reading “MAYOR IGNORES OUTCRY AS HE MOVES FORWARD WITH DECISION TO UPDATE LOCAL CURRENCY OF TOWN”

CHILD’S THEORY ON HISTORY OF EXISTENCE CAUSES CONTROVERSIAL INQUIRY AT SCHOOL

By Education Correspondent Vinny “Claw” Hammer Teachers at St. Ironfist Primary School in Barnet have recently relented to a pupil’s insistence that the existence of all things began in 1954. Little Bryan Panda, who’s nearly 5, came to this conclusion when he found out that his Grandad Ern was born in 1954. As Ern isContinue reading “CHILD’S THEORY ON HISTORY OF EXISTENCE CAUSES CONTROVERSIAL INQUIRY AT SCHOOL”