TEARFUL DAD NOT LOOKING FORWARD TO LETTING SON DOWN ON UPCOMING 16TH BIRTHDAY

By Crime Correspondent Bill Beatstreet

The ongoing lock down and related restrictions has affected everyone in the UK, and indeed around the world, with many people who have ‘non-essential’ jobs worrying if they’d have a job by the end of this ordeal. The potential state of the economy will be very much up in the air once a sense of normalcy is established, and even then there’d be quite a few industries and individuals which would struggle on for a lot longer. One such individual who is already feeling the pinch is 51 year old Marv Sassenfrassen, a career criminal who makes most of his fortune from robbing houses. He’s recently been released from prison, but is worried about his finances and his son’s birthday in a couple of weeks time because of the current lock down. I interviewed a clearly distraught Mr Sassenfrassen inside his modest, unfurnished flat, as he struggles to make sense of the circumstances.

TDJJ: “Mr Sassenfrassen, given the situation the UK is in, a lot of people have adapted their way of living and working the best way they can during this crisis. Have you considered any alternative ways of earning a living?”

MS: “This is all I know, I ain’t got a decent education. Who’d hire me anyway, with my record? Robbing’s what I’m best at. I’ve only been in prison a handful of times mainly because of it. I know people who’ve been in loads more. I’ve tried my hand at underground boxing, but it doesn’t pay the bills does it?”

TDJJ: “I don’t know how it all works myself, but even with your past, would you not be able to claim any money just so you can get by?”

MS: “Don’t think so, I’ve got previous when it comes to fiddling finances. They won’t give people like me shit. Just because I’m not the best with money. Even though I’ve paid my dues several times, it’s as though they still me as untrustworthy! I feel I’ve got no choice but to go back to robbing shit again, but it’s gonna be almost impossible if everyone’s isolating and that. But what else can I do?”

TDJJ: “Have you thought about retraining at all? I know there’d be free resources online, or maybe people you could phone up to get advice.”

MS: “Not got a computer, was taken from me when I went inside a couple of years ago. I’m too long in the tooth to be learning owt new. Thing is, it’s not as though I could rob shops neither. No one’s about so I wouldn’t be able to lose myself into a crowd as usual.”

TDJJ: “And this has a knock-on effect for your plan for your son’s birthday.”

MS: “Yeah, he’s the real victim in all this. You’ve got to understand the history of the Sassenfrassen family history. Every son who reaches 16 goes out for the first time with his dad to steal as much has possible from houses. It’s a tradition that has passed on for the last 200 years in the family. I remember my 16th birthday doing this. I stole a carriage clock and a telephone. Ahh, humble beginnings.”

TDJJ: “So with everyone in their homes for the foreseeable future, I can see why you’re frustrated.”

MS: “It’s proper stressing me out! I don’t want to be the one who breaks this established tradition, but I feel powerless. It’s not fair.”

TDJJ: “Is there anything that we at The Daily JabJab can do for you?”

MS: “Well, if you want, you could ask everyone in the Telford area to message you with details of where they live and what dates/times they would be out of their house on a walk. I’d need a 30 minute window. Make it 40 so it gives us time to get to the place. In these times, we need to help one another through, it brings out the best in people.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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