UK TV CHANNEL TO DRASTICALLY CHANGE SCHEDULES IN ORDER TO HELP VIEWERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT SELVES

By Apocalypse Now Correspondent Marley Sheen

As daily news of the coronavirus pandemic is now in full swing, this has brought about a lot of fear throughout the world, especially with lock downs being put in place in many countries. The vast majority of the world are now indoors glued to the TV and internet for the latest news, and this situation sparked a solution inside the Head Of Programming for UK digital upstart TV Channel Clive, Clive Channel. He’s taken a leaf out of the type of popular “feel good” programmes which the more popular channels peddle out. His proposal for the rebranding of his channel has certainly raised eyebrows amongst his staff, but he’s adamant that this is the way forward in these troubling times. I interviewed Mr Channel in the empty canteen area in the channel’s HQ, which is actually his garage.

TDJJ: “Mr Channel I’ll be honest, I’ve never watched your channel before, but I know through research that you used to show a lot of old films on a loop which some would consider very racist nowadays. Would you say that your rebranding is also to do with the very low viewership as well?”

CC: “A little. Those films are really cheap to broadcast, for the reason you mention, and I’d like to go on record to say I don’t necessarily agree with a percentage of their content.”

TDJJ: “So you saw the current TV news landscape, and you’ve been quoted as saying you decided to become: ‘A kind of antidote for all the fear and panic that the media are pushing.’ What’s this antidote that you’ve come up with?”

CC: “Well, I’ve always been aware of other channels showing programmes that are made for people to laugh at other, less fortunate people, or ones about, say, some woman who’s been hoarding shit for years and now her house is full of it. I know these shows are made so people can feel good about themselves, that at least they’re not as poor or ugly or basically a complete fuck up like the ones in the shows. Using that logic, I decided that my channel should be full of films which revolve around zombie outbreaks or depicting a future where there’s only Charlton Heston or Will Smith left on Earth, because despite what’s happening in the real world, at least we’re not being turned into zombies or whatever.”

TDJJ: “Hmm, interesting way of looking at this. Do you feel, though, that some might see doing this is in poor taste?”

CC: “Not at all. I understand what’s currently going on, and appreciate how people want to do the right thing for the greater good. But I reckon there’s still a lot of people out there who would find solace in watching movie characters either turning into zombies or being eaten by them.”

TDJJ: “But do you feel the timing of showing these types of films right now is appropriate? I like them myself, but a lot might find zombie and post-apocalyptic films a bit close to home at the moment?”

CC: “No. Thing is, if you look down the history of horror and science fiction movies, they tended to reflect the politics and society in the years they were made. There was one point when the fear of the Russians were shown as hostile aliens on the big screen. Something like that anyway. Now is the right time to show these films, to put a positive spin on things. Plus zombies are fun.”

TDJJ: “Well, there are some bonafide classics out there. Which films can we look forward to? You mentioned Will Smith and Charlton Heston, so is I Am Legend and The Omega Man in the schedules?”

CC: “No, they’re a bit too expensive believe it or not. It’s mostly gonna be straight to DVD stuff, starring people who no one’s heard of. But they tend to go on about the end of the world and most have poorly designed zombies in. A load of Russian stuff which is ironic because of what I said earlier. Also, I filmed a zombie film with a bunch of mates a few years back, so I’ll have that on a kind of rotation.”

TDJJ: “Finally, if people would like to watch your channel, how do they go about it? I had trouble finding it myself.”

CC: “I’m not sure of the channel number. I think it depends what TV service you pay for, I can’t keep up. We have a website on Facebook as well, so if I can’t find it myself, I’ll look into uploading the films onto there. Not sure if the same legal things apply online or not. Leave me with it.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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