By Resident Ufologist Lenny Gort
Like most places around the world, the seaside resort of Shanklin on the Isle of Wight has become almost deserted, with locals locking themselves in isolation on government advice because of the pandemic. There’s been recent news of a mass monkey brawl in Thailand and some deer pottering about in Japan as a result of the virtual lock down, and some residents of the resort have reported sightings of an alleged alien shapeshifter in the area. Some have theorised that with the lack of humans around, the being feels confident enough to go out in the open, some think it’s just confused and wants to eat humans which are no longer there and has to hunt, while others think it’s just showing off its chameleon-like abilities because it can. Whatever the reason, no one in the resort want a similar situation like in Thailand with monkeys.
The fear of having hundreds of extra terrestrials scrapping for some reason, causing untold damage to street furniture and parked cars as a result, is getting too much for them. One of the local alien hunters, Gerald Gordon Golovkin – Treble G to his friends – has agreed to be interviewed by me, as he theorises what the supposed alien is, and what it could possibly want, based on his experience and the local reports.
TDJJ: ”Treble G, when did you first hear about these sightings of this so-called shapeshifter in Shanklin?”
GGG: “Pretty soon after the first report. I’m part of several alien groups online, and I feel you need to have an open mind for this kind of thing. If there’s only a single report of a sighting, it was probably a weather balloon or large cow that was actually seen. If there’s a few similar sighting from the same area, I’m more inclined to investigate immediately.”
TDJJ: “Given the case studies, what do you think is the most plausible explanation for what’s been happening?”
GGG: “Definitely a shapeshifter. One person said it looked like a man walking a dog. Or maybe it looked like the dog, leading the man to his doom. Another reported seeing an attractive woman walking a bit weird. These reports and others suggest that it can change its height and gender at will. Right now there’s no hard evidence as to its intention.”
TDJJ: “Do you think it’s looking for food? Do you think it eats people?”
GGG: “Unless it was the dog and not the walker, there’s possibly no threat. But how could an alien in dog form possibly eat a whole person? Unless it changed into the walker or that attractive woman or any of the other forms that’s been reported, out of the public eye. We need to wait, follow it and observe. Maybe narrate video footage as though it’s a wildlife show.”
TDJJ: “Do you think there’s more of them?”
GGG: “You just won’t find this out as it’s a shapeshifter. There’s been news of a local pub having a few people in last night. Maybe they were all visitors from another planet blending seamlessly into society. Maybe they’ve also grasped the English language enough to pass for humans and adopted our aggressive mannerisms after a few beers.”
TDJJ: “What do you think would happen if the government capture it?”
GGG: “I think it depends what form it’s in when they get it. If it’s anything but the attractive woman, they’d probably kill it and dissect it for scientific purposes. If it was the attractive woman, all bets are off. At the moment, there’s been no indication that it poses a threat. I’d fancy my chances if it was in the form of the attractive woman, you know, for science.”
TDJJ: “Does any part of your research and experience suggest at all that the sightings are just of different people on essential visits to the chemist or on their way to get milk or something?”
GGG: “That’d be too convenient. That’s what the media would want you to believe. But if they actually spoke to the witnesses like I’ve done, and had studied the crude drawings of the alien, particularly the attractive woman form it takes, then they’d soon reassess everything they thought they knew. This is as real as it gets.”
