PALAEONTOLOGISTS MAKE HUGE DISCOVERY, HISTORY OF VIDEO GAMES REWRITTEN AS A RESULT

By Resident Tomb Raiding Expert Indiana Columbo

A team working on a routine excavation on a remote island in Costa Rica has unearthed something even more exciting than a previously undiscovered dinosaur. The eminent palaeontologist Dr Emmet Huey was leading his team through various caves, searching for the rare skeleton of a dinosaur frog. He uncovered a cloth bag during the excavation, in which he found a bunch of cogs. They took them back to their makeshift lab area in a caravan to study, confused as to how the cogs had made it onto the distant island about 50 feet below the surface. The team didn’t find any dinosaur frog remains, so went back home to Chicago to study the strange cogs instead.

Upon further inspection with lab tech, the respected Dr Huey saw a small symbol on the side of each cog which looked vaguely like the Nintendo logo. He knew that Nintendo first started their company making playing cards back in 1889, so was naturally confused as they looked like they predated this year by some distance. But in order to investigate further, Mr Huey spent a lot of time and money trying to solve this riddle, and ended his quest by just getting his layabout brother to solve things. I interviewed Mr Huey in his bathroom in Belmont Cragin, Chicago, to find out the link between these cogs and video games.

TDJJ: “Mr Huey, ever since I read this story I’ve been aching to find out the connection, and I’m sure that there’s lots of other people also anticipating the answer. So, what are these cogs in relation to video games?”

EH: “Well, as soon as my brother Chet saw them, he noticed they were kind of puzzle pieces and went about fitting them together. Chet’s a bit weird, you see, he’s always seemed to have supernatural powers to solve stuff like this, though he’s useless at most other things. Once the cogs were together, I noticed a few plug ports around the back and front, which looked similar to the ones seen in some of the older gaming consoles.”

TDJJ: “That doesn’t make sense. Do you have any idea how can that be?”

EH: “None whatsoever, it’s proper weird. Anyway, me and Chet got some relevant wires from his collection, wired it all up to the TV, and we were just dumbfounded with the result.”

TDJJ: “What happened?”

EH: “Well, the TV flickered a bit, but then an old style Nintendo logo appeared on a black screen, with the date 2153 BC below it. We just stared at the TV transfixed. We waited to see if anything happened next. A text bar came up asking for a ‘gamecog’ to be inserted. Obviously we don’t have a ‘gamecog’ whatever they are, so we just switched it off.”

TDJJ: “This changes everything in terms of the history of video games. It seems as though they’ve been around since the bronze age at least. What are you planning to do with the cogs? I’m sure they’d fetch a pretty price on eBay.”

EH: “We’re gonna put it in a safe somewhere, such is the valuation and historical importance of them. We’re planning a trip back to the island, see what else is there, whether there’s any of these ‘gamecogs’. But we fear a mass of people flooding the site once this news gets out. But this all depends on this current lock down on international travel.”

TDJJ: “Getting back to the cogs themselves, is there any writing on them at all apart from the logo? Any clues as to manufacturing dates, locations or anything?”

EH: “No, they just look like any other bronze coloured cogs. Obviously some surface areas have eroded over the centuries, that’s probably to be expected. There may have been writing at some point.”

TDJJ: “Have you contacted Nintendo about this?”

EH: “We couldn’t get through, maybe because of the current shut down. I’m thinking when this news gets more widespread, they’ll become aware and get in touch.”

TDJJ: “So until things settle down with all the restrictions in travelling etc, what are your plans with these cogs?”

EH: “I’ve got a friend who’s a key cutter, and we’re thinking of getting him to cut some circular bits of metal into the shape of these cogs, see if we can make more of these consoles. There’s a lot of information online in terms of electronics and that, so when we make these ‘bootleg’ consoles, the money from the sales will more than compensate us with the money we’re losing with the current rules against travelling to faraway lands to search for dinosaur frog remains.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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