RESEARCH THEORY SHOWS THAT FORMER TV CHARACTER IS ACTUALLY A METAL BAND, REWRITES OLD INTERNET MYTH

By Internet Miscellany Correspondent Kevin Rotor

At the turn of the 21st century, the internet was a very different place than it is today. There was no social media, cat videos didn’t make up 85% of YouTube as YouTube wasn’t around yet, and all information ever hadn’t been uploaded like it has nowadays. This meant that unverifiable facts were being spread amongst those who had access to the many awfully colour schemed websites which passed for graphic design back then. One of the main facts which perpetuated was that musician Marilyn Manson was actually the kid who was Kevin’s best friend in the Wonder Years TV show. Sure, you could see a kind of resemblance, and this was good enough for everyone until it was debunked with the discovery that the two names of the actual people behind the characters were different. But recently, a semi-retired freelance detective from Frome in Somerset, 61-year old Fred Jinkeys has reopened the case himself. He feels that there’s more to the situation than first thought, and his findings are actually a twist on the original story. I interviewed Mr Jinkeys inside his car, parked near to the local library he’s barred from for reasons he won’t talk about.

TDJJ: “My Jinkeys, what made you want to re-assess this particular case, which, you must realise, has long been proven to be false?”

FJ: “I was working on my current job, which had me searching for the thief who’s been stealing lingerie from local washing lines, but I’d hit a roadblock. I was getting increasingly frustrated with not being able to work out the culprit’s excuse should the poilce get involved. I punched the book case behind me to vent my anger, and one of my case files fell off which is full with myths of the internet. I started to read The Marilyn Manson Wonder Years Case in a break from my current work, and I started digging into it all. After a few days I realised that the supposed myth was still true, but not in the way it was originally laid out.”

TDJJ: “What did you find out?”

FJ: “If my sleuthing is correct, then it’s that Paul Joshua Pfeiffer, who was played by Josh Saviano in The Wonder Years, is actually Marilyn Manson the band, and not Brian Warner, who’s supposedly the singer for the band and not the band itself.”

TDJJ: “So, the TV character Paul Joshua Pfeiffer is the band Marilyn Manson?”

FJ: “Yes, as far as I can tell. I’ve not slept for several days.”

TDJJ: “Then who’s Brian Warner?”

FJ: “I’m not sure yet, I’m working on it. But Paul Joshua Pfeiffer is definitely the band.”

TDJJ: “But there’s a lot of footage showing the band having multiple people in, it’s well documented.”

FJ: “They’re just regular musicians, people that happen to be the same pub or arena where Paul is playing as Marilyn Manson. Kind of like The Lightning Seeds or Maroon 7–”

TDJJ: “Maroon 5.”

FJ: “Yeah, the lead singer’s the only one person you associate with that band. If that makes sense.”

TDJJ: “Hmm, I’m not sure–”

FJ: “Listen, I know it sound weird, but the person who came up with the original so-called fact all those years ago was just getting a few of the details twisted round. So my new research doesn’t sound that far out when you think about it.”

TDJJ: “I’ve just checked Wikipedia on my phone. Says Paul Joshua Pfeiffer is, and always has been a fictional character, and Josh Saviano is a lawyer now.”

FJ: “That must be his day job. Remember, you don’t have to be working Monday to Friday 9-5 when you’re a world famous metal band. The gigs are at night and you can easily record an album on the weekends, or even on paid holidays. He’s been doing this for years.”

TDJJ: “But you’re now talking about Josh Saviano. You’ve been saying it was the character he played in The Wonder Years that was Marilyn Manson the band.”

FJ: “Look, I’ve got tons of paperwork at home which in my eyes proves unequivocally that Paul Joshua Pfeiffer, fictional character or not, is the band. I don’t know where Brian Warner fits into the equation yet. He could actually be the fictional one, not Kevin’s friend from the show.”

TDJJ: “I’m a bit lost with this. Was Paul Joshua Pfeiffer based on anyone in real life, when they were writing the series?”

FJ: “I’m working on this, I’d have to watch it again. There’s a box set isn’t there?”

TDJJ: “I believe so. So what are your plans when you get to whatever conclusion you end up with? To be honest, I’m not convinced at the moment, but remain open minded. I’m a rare breed of journalist.”

FJ: “I’ll set up a subscription-only website and put the entirety of my findings online. People nowadays are so cynical on the internet, what with their views on gender politics, sexism in public places and wearing women’s clothing under your own, so by showing all my working out will add credulity to this story. I even think Brian Warner and Josh Saviano would show up together to show that once and for all they are not the same person. But I bet you don’t see Paul Joshua Pfeiffer with them. Makes you think, doesn’t it?”

TDJJ: “I think so. I’ll have to re-read all this.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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