By Resident Removals Expert Pat Hosiery

The world of the paranormal has been rocked with the recent news of how estate agents have forcibly removed a family of ghosts from one of their properties. One of the managers of Came, Saw & Censored, Burt Censored, has defended his company’s decision as the house viewings were almost always cut short when potential buyers became aware of eerie groans and a foul stench coming from the cellar. The house, which is 64 Bitconsole Street in Fenham, Newcastle, is where the Freeling family used to live. Records show that unfortunately they all died in 1794 of dysentery, in the basement. Mr Censored has stated that it’s been the last 20 years that the noises and smells have really become a problem. They’ve driven out several families in that time, and word of the hauntings have meant that, despite a drastic cut in valuation, they still haven’t been able to shift it. However, the eviction has meant that the Freeling family have taken to wandering the streets clanking around and groaning, with the putrid smell following them in their wake, leaving residents both scared and disgusted. I interviewed the mother of the family, Isabel, via a local medium to ask how this situation could be rectified, and they could then finally find peace.

TDJJ: “Hello, Isabel. Erm, can you hear me?”

IF: “Aye, loud and clear. I’m sat right next to you pet. Sorry about the smell, it’s my dress. Got shit everywhere.”

TDJJ: “Erm, th-that’s fine. Sorry, I’ve never communicated with someone from the other side. What’s it like?”

IF: “Well I can only vouch for me and the family, it’s not been a happy time lately.”

TDJJ: “Yeah, I’m sorry to hear what happened with the estate agents–”

IF: “I wouldn’t mind, but we were there for over two hundred year. I get that we were making a racket and that in the basement, but we weren’t given any notice at all. I’m sure we had 30 days or something, but I can’t find me paperwork.”

TDJJ: “To be honest I don’t know the rulings when it comes to ghosts. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but you and your family’s moaning and smell have literally been kicking up a stink with the locals as you wander aimlessly around the block.”

IF: “It’s distressing for my two daughters, Martha and Agnes. They were only 12 and 14 when the illness got them. They haven’t seen anywhere else but the insides of that house. They don’t like the unknown. So I apologise for their constant moaning.”

TDJJ: “It must’ve been a terrible time, I believe dysentery was a big cause of death back then.”

IF: “Aye, I think my uncle gave it to us when he came round with his piano. Wiped us all out, along with some neighbours, including her from number 73 who I knew my husband were having liaisons with. So there was a bit of good fortune.”

TDJJ: “Where do you think you’d go to next?”

IF: “We had a look in the library, but we got bored. Not as many books as I recall. Also we floated to what we thought were a hotel, but it just had a load of people being really immoral with each other. Not a place for my daughters to grow up in. What kind of world is this, where so many people can procreate in the same place?”

TDJJ: “I honestly don’t know of that house. Can I ask why the estate agents said that your ‘activity’ was more apparent in the last 20 years or so?”

IF: “There was this family who bought the house in 1999, and they were wallpapering the front room one day. Thing is, when I found out that my husband Isaac were seeing that harlot, I threw him out on ear. At the time, we had no wallpaper in the front room, and in a moment of anger I wrote, “Blasted beard splitter”, which were swearing at the time, in big letters across the wall. Now this family removed my writing, which I guess woke us up from my peace and I felt it was as though Isaac’s infidelity was being erased or summat. Unfortunately I woke my daughters from their eternal slumber as well. They understand though, he was a right shag-bag.”

TDJJ: “Do you know what happened to him?”

IF: “No, I haven’t bothered to look it up. He’s dead now anyway. Probably went back to her, and she probably give him the disease in the afterlife. Good.”

TDJJ: “Do you feel that if you were able to go back in the house to write it again on the wall, that would put things back as they were? I could have a word with the estate agents about how the words need to stay on there.”

IF: “Aye, could give it a go I suppose.”

I gave Isabel my pen and she and her daughters went back into the house. The medium and I had to wait outside as we’re unable to pass through locked doors. After a few minutes, the medium told me that they had crossed over again. We checked, and saw the words back once again on the wall, with a thanks written at the bottom. All I’ve got to do now is to come up with a believable story for the estate agents explaining the ripped wallpaper and vulgar 18th century language, and why it should never be removed.

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: