GOVERNMENT LOOKING FOR NEW IDEA TO TAKE AGES TO SORT OUT AFTER BREXIT SUCCESS

By Political Correspondent Tommy Firearm

The recent passing of some bill or other which allowed Great Britain to free itself from the EU has been seen as a ratings winner, according to the Conservative government. The debate had divided the country for over three and a half years, and in that time every media outlet, opposing political parties, and children in playgrounds all had their fair share of the limelight when discussing the subject. Now, with the box set of all the broadcasted debates about to be released in all good DVD stockists, the government finds itself tasked with coming up with a sequel. I interviewed some Conservative back bencher, MP Ritchie Cretinous, who has been involved with the production meetings for the next project.

TDJJ: “How are the production meetings going, Mr Cretinous? There’s a lot of interest, fans want are clamouring to know where the story goes from here.”

RC: “Right now we’re working with some writers and throwing around ideas. I can’t say too much yet, it’s still early days. But we feel we need to honour the recent passing of whatever it was to allow Britain to leave the EU. I can assure fans that the next project would take even longer to sort out, as the general rule for a sequel is to make more of the same, but longer.”

TDJJ: “Can you comment on the rumours about HS2 being the basis behind the new production?”

RC: “No, we’re not using HS2 in any way. We believe fans would want to be involved in something that has a chance of happening in their lifetime. To be honest, it’s not likely that the HS2 project will.”

TDJJ: “You must be aware of the reviews of Brexit, even though the whole ordeal worked out in the end, by hook or by crook. A lot of people said it was overlong and far-fetched, while others likened it to an unfunny sitcom, involving a lot of unlikeable characters. Do you believe that a lot of the detractors simply misunderstood your party’s intentions all along?”

RC: “I believe so. I understand we did have a few plot twists along the way which, in hindsight, may be seen as deus ex machinas, and as a result made a few characters look as though they didn’t know what they were doing. But it’s all about ratings. A fair few TV shows, newspaper columnists, and office drones all got a lot out of this. It was our intention to create the ultimate reality TV show, in which the result affected everyone in the UK, not just the people who watch the regular ‘reality’ crap.”

TDJJ: “Do you feel that the new production will address the view of Great Britain through the eyes of some people in other European countries?

RC: “We are aware of some of the viewpoints from foreigners, that they might follow in our footsteps and get out of the EU based on our ultimate success.”

TDJJ: “I was actually referring to the fact that some were thinking the government was a laughing stock, taking far too long in getting things done.”

RC: “Where did you get that information?”

TDJJ: “Mr Cretinous, I’m not looking for a fight, but there is a certain amount of cynicism from some people outside the UK, questioning the way in which the whole production panned out.”

RC: “Well, I’d just put that down to them not understanding our culture, how some things just don’t translate overseas. Maybe our ways are just too advanced for them. After all, many of them still dress as though it’s still the 90s.”

TDJJ: “That’s a bit of a cheap shot, a bit childish don’t you think? I’d like to stick to the topic at hand please?”

RC: “But they still wear bright tracksuits, don’t they?”

TDJJ: “Right, Mr Cretinous, I’ll have to end the interview if you continue down this road. I’d like a grown up conversation.”

RC: “Shellsuits!”

TDJJ: “Thanks for your time, Mr Cretinous, that’s the end of this. I feel that it’s people like Mr Cretinous who hold this country back. I apologise for his comments, I assure that anyone out there wishing to strike a trade deal with Great Britain, he is in the minority in his narrow mindedness. Most of us are honest and salt of the earth. You can believe in us.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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