By Hair Fashion Correspondent Troy Enron
Football player Enzo Dogbonzo, who’s currently playing for Northwich Victoria in the North West Counties Football League – Premier Division, has finally come out fighting on social media in regards to his ever changing haircuts. Ever since he signed for the club two years ago, he’s changed to a different style every couple of weeks, with each one getting considerable criticism online, and certain sections of the club’s website even blaming his “stupid” hairstyles as the reason for the club’s current mid-table mediocrity, in the ninth tier of the English football league system. I interviewed Mr Dogbonzo, who also works as a full time Fish Farmer, about his refusal to change his hair habits.
TDJJ: “Thanks for sparing some of your time for this interview, I know you’re very busy with everything, now with your extra efforts online. I see you’ve had another haircut. I guess this one is out of defiance?”
ED: “Yeah, I feel I have to protest against all the hatred online. I’m not backing down.”
TDJJ: “And what does that say on the back? The writing’s a bit small and wonky.”
ED: “It’s the statement I put out on my Twitter profile: ‘I am not going to change my ways when it comes to my hairstyle choice. I am my own person. I don’t ask for kids to copy me. It’s not my fault, there are bigger things in the world to worry about.’ The barber struggled making it legible, but I feel the sentiment’s there. Plus it cost £150.”
TDJJ: “What are your thoughts on the opinions about how all this is affecting your club’s performance?”
ED: “You need to appreciate the fact that the club has been performing in a steadily declining manner even before I joined. Every club, no matter how big or small, will always want to do better. I feel what’s been going on is some kind of a scapegoat for the club’s average performances. I’ve always been a decidedly moderate left back, I have just as many off days as I do on. My gruelling fish work probably plays into this, I do about 60 hours Monday to Friday such are the demands. Plus, I don’t really put much effort into the training.”
TDJJ: “Have any of your team mates at the club or colleagues at the fish thing had a quiet word with you about the negative interest in your haircuts?”
ED: “A few at the club have made a few comments, though that also might be due to my adulterous nature with members of their families. Same thing involving my fish job. But the way I see it, haircuts are my way of expressing myself creatively. I’m not very good on the field on in large fish tanks, so this is my way of making up for that.”
TDJJ: “What do you say in response to those who think that you have all these outlandish hairstyles to try and bury bad press about your reputation as not only as an alleged homewrecker, but also as a person who makes too many mistakes in both football and fish farming?”
ED: “Listen, I think there’s a lot of jealousy out there, a lot of spotty teenagers who think they’re being brave by hiding anonymously online. They’ve got short memories. I’m always saying that I had a trial with Manchester United nearly 15 years ago, for a few hours. Okay, it didn’t work out for me there, or at Bury or Runcorn or many others. But I’m still playing football with actual goalposts and in a uniformed shirt. What have they done to achieve their dreams? That’s the difference between me and them.”
TDJJ: “It seems like you have just as many detractors as admirers regarding your haircuts, but there’s even criticism coming from the more positive aspects of the situation isn’t there?”
ED: “A lot of mums have blamed me for influencing their kids into copying my haircuts, including some girls I believe. I’ve never told anyone to emulate me in any way, be it for my half-hearted footballing efforts, continuous bed hopping or idiosyncratic haircuts. I’ll agree that my taste in hair isn’t for everyone, many of the styles have been described as being provocative or just poor. But I won’t accept the blame if anyone gets suspended or fired from work. It’s a free country, and yes, it’s my choice and I feel my duty to keep having ridiculous hair.”
Northwich Victoria’s next match is at Wincham Park against Winsford United on 22nd February at 3pm.