By Resident Film Reviewer Jeff Brundlefly

There’s been increasing unrest within a group of professor film fans from Felixstowe, who have come to the shocking conclusion that the actor Hugh Grant is on a slippery and dangerous path because of the last two films they’ve seen him in. After their research into his filmography, they can see a worrying trend which they believe, if left untreated, will confirm that his acting career could increasingly reflect adversely on his actual life. They have sent numerous warning telegrams to the actor, but have had no reply. I interviewed the group’s head of research, Professor Almond Marc, in order to help them in their desperate attempt to warn him.

TDJJ: “So, Professor, can you please explain your findings to the people who don’t read intelligent academic journals, where you have written about your fears?”

AM: “So, we came out of the cinema recently after watching the new Guy Ritchie film The Gentlemen. We liked the film, a somewhat return to form for the director, but I noticed that we all had concerned expressions on our faces on the bus back to the lab. We all came to the same conclusion that the character Hugh Grant played was very sure of himself. Cocky, even. After a while, I thought maybe it was a blip, that every actor seems to have a few uneven performances on their resume, but my colleague Professor Chocolate Hot reminded me of the bad intentioned chap he played in Paddington 2, and then the alarm bells started ringing.”

TDJJ: “And what did you do next?”

AM: “As we’re esteemed professors, our natural next step was to investigate the matter with razor sharp precision. We abandoned our current study on whether spiders can play music provided the instruments are small enough, and get every Hugh Grant video we could. We spent days analysing every one of them, three times, and our stacks of written notes concluded what we first feared: he was now playing against type, that he was no longer playing characters out of their depth, and any psychologist worth his salt would tell you the dangers of doing things like this.”

TDJJ: “Do you feel it’s a midlife crisis, or is he just wanting to show more range in his acting?”

AM: “We haven’t yet come to a definitive conclusion on this aspect. Obviously, if Mr Grant contacted us in relation to our findings, it’d save us valuable time, these spiders are getting a bit restless now. We fear for the repercussions on Mr Grant’s actual life. We all know him as the bashful English gent when in contact with an attractive woman both on screen and off, what with his rapid repeating of half words, awkward eye contact and 90s hair. He’s done that for years, and so he must realise that, on a psychological level, to start playing confident characters at this stage in his career may distinctly affect his chances of getting a happy ending, regardless of whether he has to make a mad, last minute dash to an airport or not.”

TDJJ: “And you’ve had no contact from Mr Grant or his representatives at all?”

AM: “No, though we know he’s had a prickly relationship with the press regarding the decisions he’s made his private life. Probably since the news of him and that street worker in his car. I can’t say I blame him. I mean, if I was in relations with Liz Hurley, I wouldn’t want her to find out about my extracurricular liaisons in the tabloid press. It’s a good job I’m not a famous actor, or I’d have been out of my ear a long time ago by my lovely, caring wife of 40 years. But thankfully my numerous indiscretions aren’t in the public interest.”

TDJJ: “And finally, if Mr Grant gets to read this interview, what would you like to tell him?”

AM: “We just want the real Hugh to please stand up, for the safety of everyone concerned. Listen, my fellow professors and I liked your performances in The Gentlemen and Paddington 2, and I’m sure a lot of your other fans did too. But deep down, I can’t help but think that your previous work will cease to inform your real life choices, like when your nervous yet affable persona on screen meant that you were similarly out of your depth when you got caught with that lady of the night that one time. Just say no, Mr Grant, if this new found assuredness in your films starts to imitate your everyday life when off the set, and you begin to make more-informed, yet out of character, decisions.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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