By resident Pest Solutions Expert Jericho McAerosmith
Leading up to the year 2000 was an exciting time for everyone, as it was heralding in a new millennium, and the suffix 2000 added to anything automatically made that thing sound futuristic. But news of a so-called Y2K bug was on the horizon, a possible glitch in computers that would cause untold havoc, reached the world’s population and caused mass hysteria. Planes were going to crash, mismatched pets were to cohabit, and we were going to be plunged into perpetual darkness. As it transpired, only a few minor things happened, some cows were misdirected around a field, things like that. I spoke with local Arkansas shed-dweller Dwight Slagbrothers in his shed was about his shock theory, that he says would rock the scientific, pest controller and the ufologist communities to their foundations.
TDJJ: “As I understand, Mr Slagbrothers, you were going to reveal more information regarding what you’ve saw in the sky, both back on the eve of 2000 and recently on New Years Eve 2019. But then your YouTube channel was taken down.”
DS: “The government couldn’t handle the facts that I know. Before I was arrested for some petty crimes recently, I was about to unleash the video about what REALLY happened in the skies on those nights. I’ve not had the opportunity to address my 43 subscribers until now.”
TDJJ: “Well, the floor is yours.”
DS: “People of the world, there was an actual space bug on its way to Earth back in ‘99. It had planned to disrupt our planet’s electricity and gas supplies, cause all the things that you were told. But the government didn’t want you to know the fact that they sent Bruce Willis into space to battle this mile-wide space invader before it had the chance to do so. Bruce won. I saw the fight from my shed.”
TDJJ: “And you feel the same thing happened recently?”
DS: “Well, the government got intel that the bug had gone back to its planet to regroup, via training montages. And then, 20 years later it returned even bigger to get its revenge, the scaly green sonofabitch! Bruce Willis wanted too much money to return to his heroics, so they got in Jai Courtney, who played his son in the last Die Hard film, to do it instead.”
TDJJ: “And did you see this fight from your shed as well?”
DS: “They knew what I saw back in ‘99, so I had to relocate to another shed for fear of being hunted down. I watched the recent battle from that one. You’re in my new shed, the authorities don’t know about this location. Don’t say where this new one is!”
TDJJ: “I won’t, don’t worry. I could make a lot of money if I did, but I have journalistic integrity.
DS: “Nice one.”
TDJJ: “Now that the truth is out, do you feel that the state of Arkansas – and in turn the world – will change their perception of you, that you’re not just some lone nut?”
DS: “Time will tell. I’ll probably know more after my imminent court appearances for some tiny misdemeanours. I feel I was in the wrong place at the wrong time when I witnessed what was happening in the skies on those nights, just like when I was found in some ladies changing rooms on several occasions recently. I reckon the government has their hand in this. They want to put me away for what I know.”
TDJJ: “It doesn’t sound fair on the surface, but a cursory glance at your criminal record, proves that you’ve got previous when it comes to ruffling a few feathers with authorities.”
DS: “Listen, that other time was a stitch up, I was put away on trumped up charges. I kept seeing alien spacecraft racing around the sky back in ‘96. They sent Will Smith to get rid of them all, and he did. He was sworn to secrecy, but they seemed not to know that I knew what I knew. It was only when I was found lurking in bushes near a college for nurses a week or so later, that I knew they had finally caught up with me.”
TDJJ: “And finally, if your legal cases find you innocent, would you actively refrain from witnessing any future alien activity?”
DS: “Probably not. I feel I have a duty to my country, and indeed the world, regarding extra terrestrial threats from beyond. Sure, it’s landed me in bother in the past, but it’s worth it if I prevent some Johnny silver skinned sons of bitches from taking our cattle and other resources.”
I end the interview, thank Mr Slagbrothers for his time. He asked me to ask “the internet” to reinstate his YouTube channel, even if he gets sent down after court proceedings.