By Video Game Correspondent Dex Threesixty
This year will see the release of the next games consoles from both Sony and Microsoft. There’s been a lot of speculation with what the consoles would be capable of, what games might come out, and the price points they’d retail at. Each passing day has been a game of one-upmanship from the two companies, and it looked as though the new console from Microsoft, the Xbox Series X, has been seen as the more powerful of the two. But recently there’s been rumours that Sony have gone back to the drawing board in response. I spoke with Sony executive Larry Combination in his office, to see if he is willing to talk further on these rumours.
TDJJ: “This is an exciting time for gamers out there, with new consoles on the horizon and all the speculation that goes with it all. Is there any truth in the rumours that you have decided to start from scratch?”
LC: “We’re bypassing the PS5, it’s not as powerful as the other lot’s console. We feel by releasing a truly, truly revolutionary console, the PS6, will seriously put a dent in their plans. And yes, this will win us the console race war thing before it’s even begun.”
TDJJ: “And do you feel that you’d still make the release date that the PS5 had originally?”
LC: “We’re working around the clock to–”
The office door is kicked open. A spokesman for Microsoft, Todd Glacius, ran in and started to hit Mr Combination with a foldable chair while shouting incomprehensibly. After about five minutes of scuffling on the floor, I managed to calm them down. Mr Glacius muttered that he’s sorry, and agreed to sit down to discuss the plans of both companies. Despite the apology, the tension in the air between them is palpable.
TDJJ: “So, Mr Glacius, in a more professional manner, can you give us your response to the proposed PS6?”
TG: “Well, I can’t see how it’d possibly be ready in time. Technology simply isn’t there for such a leap right now.”
LC: “Yes it is. You’re just jealous, you’re going to cry when you go home.”
TG: “No I’m not. In fact, we’re gonna bring out an even better one. The Xbox Series 360 Box One S Ultra Proper Xbox Mega, and it’ll be loads better than your stupid console. Yours is stupid.”
LC: “But I haven’t told you what the PS6 will be capable of, so there! You sound rubbish right now.”
TG: “Right, so our new console that I just said, whatever I called it, will only be compatible with 16K TVs, have a thousand hundred terabytes in the hard drive, and the VR will be so real, right, that people like you would probably poo yourself because it looks so realistic and brilliant!”
LC: “I don’t poo myself! It was one video online, It was a dare. Okay, so we’ll just bring out the PS9 out then. That’ll be 20 times better than what you just said, and people will probably explode because everything will be realer than real life. $349.”
TDJJ: “Right, guys, I think we’ve got a bit too emotional and unrealistic there.”
LC: “He started it!”
TDJJ: “Be that as it may, anyone reading this might be a bit confused with the supposed future plans for your consoles.”
TG: “You’re a dick!”
LC: “No, you’re a dick.”
The two grown men got up and started scrapping again, with Mr Glacius getting Mr Combination in a headlock with his suit pulled over his head. I leave them to it and walk out, surprised with the lack of security. Sony and Microsoft will be releasing some kind of game consoles later this year.