MAYOR IGNORES OUTCRY AS HE MOVES FORWARD WITH DECISION TO UPDATE LOCAL CURRENCY OF TOWN

By Financial Correspondent Larcen Maneface

The controversial mayor of North Yorkshire town Whitby, Callum Wanquo, has ignored the town’s – and by extension the whole of the UK’s – protestations, by forging ahead on his scheme to update the town’s currency to a more ‘future-proof’ system. He believes that having money in Credits, like in sci fi films, will help modernise everything, and drag the town out of the 2010s and into the beyond. Retired whip maker, 83-year old Harold Gamesworld, founded the initiative “Don’t Give Credit Any Credit” in direct response, and has gained a sizeable following within the town’s raffle players fraternity. I sat down with Mr Gamesworld at a local Civic centre to interview him on the plans for the movement.

TDJJ: “So, was there any particular incident in the mayor’s actions where you just thought enough was enough?”

HG: “When he became mayor. I never trusted him, he’s got one of those faces, I knew there were something about him. When he said he’s going to change the money confirmed it for me, he can’t be trusted.”

TDJJ: “I see. What are your plans for the group now you’ve amassed over 20 followers?”

HG: “I wrote to the local paper about him, they don’t like him either.”

TDJJ: “Mr Gamesworld, what are your plans with the group?”

HG: “That’s right. We was thinking of making a big sign out of a bed sheet and write how we don’t like his views on the money. It’s wasting a sheet but it’ll be worth it.”

TDJJ: “Are you going to do anything else?”

HG: “Ada’s got a loudspeaker and we’re gonna use it when we see him in the street talking about the money. With our bed sheet.”

TDJJ: “Have you seen the designs of the proposed new money? The coins look bigger and easier to manage than the ones we’re using now.”

HG: “Yes, I suppose they are. But why make it so confusing again? They were saying they were gonna be using just credit cards. I’ve seen the adverts.”

TDJJ: “Who said that?”

HG: “The government. I didn’t vote for any of them.”

TDJJ: “I’m pretty sure we have credit cards already, Mr Gamesmaster.”

HG: “No, new ones. Credit credit cards.”

TDJJ: “But there’s proof that the government are vehemently against this idea, they’re not even entering a debate, for multiple reasons.”

HG: “Well, that’s what I heard. If Ethel was here she’d tell you as well. She watches all the news and she’s had it up to here. And so have I.”

TDJJ: “I guess we’ll, erm, have to agree to disagree. Do you think there’s any advantage to this proposed new money?”

HG: “Listen, it took me years to get used to decimalisation, and they keep changing the sizes of the coins. Why can’t they just leave things alone! The new ones look bigger, but credits sounds a bit foreign to me. Like we’re on a different planet. No one knows whether we’re coming or going any more, unlike when I was growing up. You knew the prices of things, how much you’d need when going to the shop. Mr Blenkinsop, he owned the hardware store from ‘76 until it closed in ‘94, used to be down the road. He said to me once, he said, “Harold, are you not wanting to buy a new lathe? You’ve not bought one for a few months, it’s not like you.” I says, “Not today but thanks for reminding me. I’m off for some cheese and milk, as I only have the right money for them, but I’ll be coming back next Friday for a lathe.” See, I knew the prices of his lathes you see? And you know what? I got a new lathe. It lasted longer than the one I had…”

This went on for a fair bit, and although Mr Gamesmaster was a thoroughly hospitable chap, I didn’t get any more meaningful debate from the last 40 minutes of our conversation. I thanked him for his time and left. He did say that he’d like everyone else in the town to write their disagreement on a bed sheet and follow the mayor around. And he’s not afraid to be locked up for disturbing the peace, which he’s been threatened with several times by police in the last fortnight.

Published by The Daily Jabjab

Hi, I'm from Stockport, Greater Manchester England. My plan on my blog is to hone my creative writing and write a post every day this year. It sounds daunting, and I'm sure things will evolve over time. Let me know what you think about my writing - any tips, useful websites and things like that would be quite lovely. Thanks for reading!

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