By Rock Music Correspondent Edwin “Zippy” Mississippi

If you ask most people what song reminds them of movie soundtracks, the answer will be Sweet Home Alabama by Lynyrd Skynyrd. The 1974 classic has featured in literally hundreds of films, but one powerful billionaire intends to use all of his fortune and contacts to help realise his dream of getting the song inserted into every movie ever. I sat down with Ian Hotshit, the self-professed biggest fan of the band and sauce billionaire, in his palatial shed in Beverley Hills to ask why he’s made this contentious decision.

TDJJ: “So, what was your inspiration for this idea?”

IH: “Well, Sweet Home Alabama is my favourite song. I own all the films on DVD in which the song features and I’ve got the record somewhere. I’ve always felt that it fits perfectly into whatever scene it’s in. It disappointed me whenever a movie doesn’t feature the song, as I’m sure there’s an ideal place to put it. So, as I’m a billionaire due to being CEO of my special Chikkaroo Sauce, I realised one day that I have the money to make this dream happen.”

TDJJ: “You made your fortune in sauce, and even some Hollywood movers and shakers have become big fans of it. With all these famous connections, then, have you had many issues with getting the rights to do this?”

IH: “Most of them signed up on the spot, knowing that a) I told them they’d be missing out as other companies have already agreed, and b) I threatened them with a ban on my sauce if they refused the deal. The only real holdout was Disney. They weren’t fussed with shoehorning it in to their superhero stuff, but they were really against putting it in the Star Wars films.”

TDJJ: “I was going to mention that. The fans were up in arms when this news came out, the films all have a traditional theatrical score, barring a few cantina scenes and that bit in Jabba’s Palace. Where could you possibly insert the song without it sounding out of place?”

IH: “I know I want to put it at the end of Jedi, with the Ewoks dancing and that. Not sure about the others. Listen, the song doesn’t have to necessarily be front and centre, you could have, say, a stormtrooper listening to it in his helmet. Or maybe playing on an off-screen radio inside a TIE Fighter, something like that.”

TDJJ: “Are you not troubled by the amount of death threats and potential boycotting of your sauce empire? There’s a lot of people out there, not just Star Wars fans, who have let their feelings known all over the internet. It’s even got world leaders breaking off their duties to wade into the debate.”

IH: “It’s just talk, keyboard warriors. It’s as if they don’t like the song. What’s not to like? The surviving members of the band are up for this, and for me to promise them riches beyond their wildest dreams, only to let them down because a few spotty geeks act tough online, it just wouldn’t be fair would it? Films have always had product placement, it’s a very similar thing happening here.”

TDJJ: “Okay, so if you get your wish, and this is put into place, who would decide where the song would go? Would you be liaising with the film makers, or would there be a group of external people doing it?”

IH: “No, just me. It was my idea. I can think of loads of films right now, where I know what places I’d put the song. Four places in Pulp Fiction.”

TDJJ: “Is there any films that you can think of where you see yourself struggling with this?”

IH: “I suppose people would think any film made or set before 1974 would be a problem, but they’re wrong, this song is timeless. Therefore, there’s no issue with this. The silent era would benefit the most. I’m sure Harold Lloyd and Fatty Arbuckle would’ve loved doing their shtick to this song, but fate would cruelly deny them of this in their living years.”

TDJJ: “So finally, do you have anything else to say to all those who oppose your plan?”

IH: “I just want them to really think about their favourite films, really think, think how they’d be made even more favourite with Sweet Home Alabama somewhere in there. Even bad films, like Heaven’s Gate, Super Mario Bros and Dragonball Evolution would improve immeasurably. This is a wise decision, and not only would I go down as the man who revolutionised the chicken sauce movement, I’ll also be the one who saved the movies.”

Published by The Daily Jabjab

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