By Boxing Correspondent “Marvellous” Cecil Unchartered

Lineal Heavyweight champion Tyson Fury has revealed that his decision to bring in Mortal Kombat character Scorpion as his trainer is purely to make sure that he’ll be able to withstand anything his opponent, WBC champion Deontay Wilder, might throw at him in their upcoming fight. This announcement has surprised most in the boxing world, with some speculating that they’re working on using moves which don’t conform to the Marquess of Queensbury rules. I interviewed both Tyson and Scorpion – real name Simon Corpion – in their gym just after a gruelling sparring session.

TDJJ: “Tyson, you’re probably aware of the rumours currently going around about various game plans that you’re working on. Care to comment on probably the most bizarre one where you’ve surgically inserted a grappling hook into your arm?”

TF: “I’ll be honest, I was tempted, but knew I’d be found out pretty quickly if I used it, what with all the cameras and replays. At the end of the day, I want to have a fair fight. I brought in Scorpion here primarily to help me on my stamina and powers of recovery.”

TDJJ: “So Mr. Corpion, you’ve recently restarted the Mortal Kombat tournament after being beaten in the quarter finals in the last one. How can you possibly have time to train Tyson? Aren’t you tired after your victory against Erron Black a few days ago?”

S: “Ha, I’ll get by. Training Tyson is actually less intense than what I’m used to. It’s been chill, just working on a few specifics.”

TDJJ: “Are you willing to go into any more details on this, Tyson?”

TF: “As I say, he’s here to help me improve my powers of recovery. We all know the power Deontay has. This guy here, don’t forget, fought Baraka a few weeks ago. It was a close fight, nip and tuck, and unfortunately, that bald, toothy dosser won and actually ate Scorpion’s brain, no need for the referee to count. To see him here now is a testament to his powers of recovery. I’m not sure Deontay has that kind of brutality in him, but I’m not taking any chances.”

S: “Stop, you’re embarrassing me.”

TDJJ: “Do you feel, Mr. Corpion, that you could see yourself taking up boxing if you decide to quit Hapkido, Moi Fah and Pi Gua one day?”

S: “As fun as this is, I don’t think so. Old habits die hard, I’ll most likely murder a few too many opponents by mistake. Probably get banned.”

TDJJ: “Tyson, any final words for Deontay?”

TF: “You’re going down, son. Get over here, me and Scorpsy are gonna show you the REAL bomb squad when you get in the ring.”

TDJJ: “And Scorpion, what are your plans after this fight?”

S: “I think I’m gonna have to go to the doctors. I’ve got a headache from being shot several times in the eyes in my last fight. A shotgun, mind. And it’s not shifting.”

I end the interview there, wish them the best. Tyson spends the next ten minutes calling everyone in the gym a dosser, apart from Scorpion. The Tyson Fury vs Deontay Wilder II fight takes place on Saturday 22nd February.

Published by The Daily Jabjab

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