By Pop Correspondent Venison Mullet
The career of American pop star Jolly “Flower” Blap is not in doubt even if her second song Kitchen Argument Blues hasn’t been met with universal praise like her debut Giddy As Flip, which featured DJ Doppelganger and the mysterious Mighty Shovel. Although her new song has been at number one for two weeks in several countries, it didn’t stop one British mother from contacting her record company with her daughter’s views. It had been reported that Blap had “Selfishly” passed the phone call over to her agent, and this flippant reaction caused no real panic across the internet. TDJJ sat down in a nearby park to talk with the mother – Pat Kyleshow – who made that phone call.
PK: “I’m glad she’s getting all this criticism. It’s people like me who keep her in a job. We have a right to our opinion. My daughter has only just gone back to school, she was gutted when she first heard the new song, definitely not as catchy.”
TDJJ: “I listened to both songs before this interview for research purposes. To be honest they aren’t my cup of tea, but the first one, the one that has all those car alarms in, is a lot faster.”
PK: “See? I don’t know what she was thinking. Why make a song about an argument she once had in a kitchen? Does she really think 9-year old girls can relate to that kind of thing?”
TDJJ: “Well, I did look further into it, see if there was a reason for the shift in tone. There’s six people credited for writing this song, and Jolly isn’t one of them. I think she’s just a singer as it’s other people playing the keyboards.”
PK: “Whatever. Me and my daughter are still waiting for that apology. I’m very disappointed. The Daily Mail wouldn’t run my story as it didn’t involve immigration or badmouth Labour. I’m just glad people like you are prepared to report my opinions online, that’s where the important stuff happens. And Blap knows that.”
TDJJ: “Thanks for that. How long are you prepared to wait for this apology? Blap’s representatives have stated that this new song has proved to be a great success all around the world, and they can’t possibly reply to everyone, critical or otherwise.”
PK: “It’s not good enough. She thinks she’s better than me.”
TDJJ: “I don’t think–”
I momentarily pause the interview as Ms. Kyleshow starts to cry and repeatedly smash her fists into the dashboard. After saying “Two weeks” to herself several times, she tells me that she’s ready to continue.
PK: “I know me and my daughter deserve more. I actually wrote down my feelings about this ordeal into a poem, as recommended by my GP, and I got my daughter to sing it. Do you want me to sing it for you?”
This reporter felt a little edgy. The question sounded rhetorical, didn’t see the point in arguing.
PK: “There was a spoilt bitch from America,
Whose name is Blap and not Erica,
She wrote a song we didn’t like,
I don’t know why others did like,
She should stop her career I have my opinions because I pay for ya.”
I clapped nervously and thanked Ms. Kyleshow for her time, asked her to unlock the door. I’m glad she didn’t ask for my review.
PK: “We’re going to apply for Britain’s Got Talent, sing the poem there. That’ll teach her.”
She lets me out. As I walk back to the office, I make a mental note of questioning the quality control of the people interviewed.