[I originally uploaded this story on 01/01/20, putting it on a separate page so it’s more visible or something. Dunno.]
The sequel to the Disney animation Frozen is still wowing audiences in the cinemas, but this isn’t stopping a big cheese at the company from fast-tracking a third film in the franchise. And the news is that it will be coming out much quicker than you think!
Top Disney bigwig Rudiger Bort believes his company made a mistake in taking too long getting the second film out. The Daily JabJab sat down with Mr Bort as he explains his plan.
RB: “It’s obvious now, with the money made from this sequel – coupled with all the merchandise – that we should really be on film number six or seven by now. We’ve only made two films’ worth of money, not six or seven. And that makes me sad. I came up with an idea. We finished post-production on the second film a couple of days early, so I asked a few of the animators if they wouldn’t mind making a third film in the remaining time. They listed a few points as to why it’d be impossible, but were up for a challenge. After a 20 minute conversation, a story had been concocted, and they set about fast-tracking the third Frozen film.”
TDJJ: “Wow, so many questions right now. Even with your company’s resources, how is this even possible?”
RB: “Well, obviously time was of the essence, so there was a bit of scaling back involved. Fans shouldn’t worry, all their favourite characters are in this film – Anna, the blonde one, the prince and the others all feature.”
TDJJ: “What’s the story about? I’m guessing it follows on from the second movie.”
RB: “Kind of. We couldn’t really think of anything in the conversation, so we decided the film’s story should just be about them painting a fence.”
TDJJ: “I’m not sure– how long is this film?”
RB: “It’s 94 minutes long. I don’t want to spoil things, but there’s a new bad guy, Lord Snake Metaphor of Clipart Town, and he orders the characters to paint his really big fence. He gives them a 90 minute deadline.”
TDJJ: “Are there any new songs to rival Let It Go?”
RB: “Again, we didn’t have time to write any new songs, plus we couldn’t get that woman back [Idina Menzel] to sing it again for this new film. I do all the voices in this one, and this time they all sing Let It Go separately, to space things out a bit. Also, we saved a lot of time in animating by only showing the back of their heads.”
TDJJ: “And how’s the toy line coming, given that you’ve not given yourselves a lot of time to market this third film?”
RB: “Well, we’ve re-stickered a lot of existing toys, they’re all pretty much wearing the same stuff in this new one. The big news is that we’ve teamed up with local DIY stores to provide wooden fences similar to what’s in the film. The scaling’s a bit off when compared to the character figures, but kids’ll get the idea, they’ll buy anything Frozen.”
TDJJ: “What are the future plans for the series?”
RB: “I reckon we could more within a similar timescale. It’s usually expensive to make these types of films, which has a knock on effect at the back end of things. After watching the three animators on this project, I reckon I’ll be able to continue this franchise in my bedroom on hooky software to save even more cash. Kids’ve got more money than sense. In terms of possible storylines, let’s just say they might be in space at some point. Now if you don’t mind getting out of my office, I want to spend the rest of the day throwing all these $100 dollar bills in the air while laughing.”
TDJJ: “Thanks for your time.”
This new film has already had a secret screening, to the wife and child of one of the animators. I spoke with them after they came out of the screen.
TDJJ:”What do you think of this new film?”
Wife: “Erm, to be honest we wanted to leave after about five minutes, but was told we weren’t allowed. Was a bit boring, just painting a fence. Plus, they had different voices for some reason, and none of them knew the full songs, filling in the gaps with mumbling.”
Frozen III: Painting a Fence is released world wide in two days.